5.  No Ethiopian Restaurant: Seriously guys, rumors have been going on for years about this subject. I will not believe in this until I stand on the firm foundation of the building that is finally going to be an Ethiopian Restaurant. I need this now in my life. NOW!  This has made me cry for years. I pretend that everything in my life is okay, but god damnit, I want some mildly spiced lamb meat shoved into my face with my own hands. 4. WLOS Social Media Comments: If you had any hope about the future intellect of our human species, please do not click on WLOS subjects/comments on their Facebook page. Throughout the past six months, my brain and heart have fused together into a gigantic face palm of utter disgust in reading the finest literature of redneck comments. Please for the love of God, conceal your mildly racist ignorant comments just so I can sleep better at night. 3. I'm Poor but I need Organic: This might be an economic issue. Probably. I don't know this white man witchcraft they call 'math',  'science', or 'economics.' I just want delicious Greenlife and Earth Fare food at all times but I am poor as shit. When I walk into these places, I feel like I am the poor- rabbit- Jim -Henson- muppet from Muppet Christmas Carol. I want fucking Fuji apples and grass raised beef in my mouth on the clock!  I have an Earth Fare soul but an Aldi wallet.  (I know about Hopey, ahem, 'Amazing Savings', but I will not go into the place unless someone can specifically tell me is it HOPE-y or HOP-ey and no one seems to know the answer) 2. Hotspot on Hilliard: Anytime  I drive by this establishment, something creepy is happening. There is either someone passed out (or dead, who really knows) on the ground, cops all around, drug deals, or once I saw a 'twerk' party happening. I wouldn't have it any other way Hotspot, but I still shed a white privilege tear. 1. Innsbruck Mall:  I have written about how this place freaks me out beyond belief before (Sup Ashvegas!) but this place tops my list.  I would like to believe that one point in time, the Innsbruck Mall, was a bustling place, maybe the 1920s, where flapper girls danced along hallways and champagne glasses clicked with gentleman folk saying things like "Give me the dice!" "Marty has a new moonshine venture!" I keep this fake historical memory close to my heart everytime I drive by.  What happened to you Innsbruck Mall, did Marty's moonshine venture never pan out?   Things about Asheville that make me Happy:   5. Brunch: So many Brunch options in town! Brunch is the number one meal here on weekends, besides the leftover burritos in your fridge that you save for nursing your hungover self back to health. It is almost a new competitive sport in town, and if finding the perfect brunch spot is it, then count me into the sloth olympics. 4. People Watching: I have learned a lot about what I like and don't like in the human race by the plethora of people I have encountered/watched in town.  My personal fashion and style is a direct result of not wanting to look like a gutterpunk sewer rat of endless patchwork skirts mixed with throw up and army jackets, but hey people watching is free entertainment and I love it. 3. Beer:  America's first alcoholic once said "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" (Thanks Benjy Franks!) God must really love Asheville a lot because of us always being beer city USA! 2. Tours: There are so many tour options in town besides the drunken walk to your car and your annoying date spewing places where they like to go. Feeling kinda lazy but still want to see Asheville? Segway tour got you covered. Want to drink and have the feeling of driving in a car? Lazoom.  Want to laugh at dumb tour guides that believe every street is haunted in town? Ghost tour. Sign me up for all. For-ev-er. 1. National Recognition but Still Chill:  About once a month or so, Asheville gets recognized in some sort of national news/cool story type coverage. We are consistently ranked in various awesome categories nationally yet the pretentiousness hasn't hit us yet. I feel like our lives still go on, being awesome Ashevillians and all, and for the most part we don't change and that makes me happy.